Message from a Past Self:
Why?
When the journey becomes difficult, to where the expression of my work far outweighs the actual reception of it, I might ask myself whether I should continue my quest for self-expression as an artist. And after my first response that, I cannot just “not write”, I arrive at the same underlying question. If it is in my nature that I must create; what then is the true meaning of my work? And in essence this is the same primordial question all human beings have asked for time immemorial; what is the true meaning of life? And before I can go on, I will do my best to convince myself of an answer.
Faith
Interestingly enough, my first reaction was to gravitate towards some form of higher power, or to have faith in a connection to something greater than myself. Maybe God appreciates my work? Or, could I even be doing the work of God? The god that was passed down to me from childhood or the god I later created in my mind, or maybe some real God I cannot possibly conceive of or even comprehend. And to know for certain that some omnipotent force actually believes in me personally would be sufficient enough. But any certainty of this is never possible since faith presupposes no evidence. But with the evidence that is available, I have found myself in a sort of secular/spiritual middle ground; between accepting the scientific facts of evolution/natural selection and the laws of nature and the universe we’ve discovered so far, respecting the positive, spiritual, and moral lessons available to us through the various different creation myths, and at the same time honoring my own personalized spiritual sensibility.
Love
It was important for me to also understand and accept my natural desire to be loved and acknowledged for what I do. And whether it involves some form of creative expression, or my actions in everyday life, the need for love can confuse the issue when it comes to the true reason for expressing yourself in the first place. In direct relation to my creativity, there were times when I tried to tell myself and everyone else all the usual delusions, like, I just do it for myself, or, I really don’t care what other people think. But deep down I know I do care. We all do. And those of us who care the most will usually give up first rather than to be considered a failure by the ones they love. The journey to express yourself can be difficult, and years may pass before you even realize the truth behind the reasons for which you began. More often we must accept those reasons were instilled in us by our initial need for love.
Nature VS Human Nature
It was after spending some time in nature, while still contemplating the meaning of my life and work, when the obvious conclusion struck me. That “I” was the only element of nature even bothering to ask these questions. That except for me and the rest of humanity, every living thing in nature seems to have its own pre-determined will to become its complete self, without question. For instance, a maple seed doesn’t contemplate whether to become a maple tree; it just fulfills its destiny, and then evolves on from there as a means of survival. All plants and animals follow this same rule. So, it became obvious to me that nature has built within it a predetermined system of self-realization. However, as human beings, we are the only exception to this rule. Yes, our body fulfills its own natural will to become a fully-grown human being. But we are the only life forms able to question our own existence along the way. So, herein lies the mystery. Why does everything in nature have a pre-determined meaning or purpose already set within itself, except for human consciousness?
Cause & Effect
I later imagined a theory to explain this by taking myself back to the farthest point of reference I could conceive of; that being the initial cause of the universe. Just as, Baruch Spinoza, concluded that all cause and effect must reach back to one initial cause, and that that initial cause is God. And at this point I should make it clear that I am not a part of, or referring here to any specific religious depiction of God. That being said, it is my belief that at this starting point, the source of all creation, or, God, was born and began its eternal evolution towards its own creative mastery. Then, just as any great inventor, this creative source must have realized the benefit of developing a self-sustaining system to continue on independently as a way of further expansion. A system that can maintain itself and that would eventually become aware of itself as a means to continue that maintenance. This is the system we call nature, and this awareness was achieved through human consciousness. Unfortunately, judging from our actions regarding the betterment of the planet and our lives, we are surely at an adolescence stage of conscious development concerning our responsibility of that maintenance. Eventually, you would assume that our ability to consciously maintain our individual existence should reflect back to the maintenance of that for which provides our initial sustenance. But if Friedrich Nietzsche was right, that God is dead. Or more precisely, that the idea of God that man mythologized is dead, then that initial cause of the universe must have surely created the very self-sustaining independent system of human consciousness, and free will, which made Nietzsche’s observations possible in the first place. So it is my belief that the source of all creation, or God, created human existence, or for Nietzsche’s sake, Existentialism, as a means to maintain the evolution of nature and humanity.
Morality
We obviously have a pre-determined ability to choose right from wrong. I concluded this by using the following logic. If morality presupposes free will, meaning we must have the conscious responsibility of choosing between right and wrong for morality to even exist. Then free will must presuppose a creative force that intended morality, or the choice for it at least, to be expressed through human nature. And since our natural affinity towards being loved and loving others, which includes the sexual desire to procreate and commune with one another, also presupposes a creative force that intended this morality, one must accept that the source of our creation is, and or was, good, and wants goodness expressed threw humanity. Goodness therefore can be deduced to anything that promotes love. Love for ourselves, each other, and the planet we inhabit. However, with this free will, one would argue also comes the possibility for immoral behavior, and that why would any benevolent creative source leave that as an option? But the fact that most all of us are born with an inherent desire to love, and to be loved, proves in itself that immoral human behavior is the exception and not the rule. As well as tying this to the logic above, that there must be a choice for morality to even exist solidifies the logical conclusion of a benevolent creative source.
Grace
We will also be faced with the presence or sense of this benevolent creative source having a continued interaction in our lives. It seems obvious that we have already been blessed with an inherent ability to lead completely self-sufficient, morally expressive lives. To the point that to ask or pray for additional help might even be considered ungrateful. However, throughout my life I have experienced an indefinable spiritual energy that seems to co-exist alongside all other scientifically proven laws of nature, and that this energy has miraculously assisted in my personal and spiritual growth. The word, Grace, has been used as a religious description of this observation. And whether you believe in an original creator’s continued interaction in our lives, or as I do, in an assisting source of spiritual energy as a part of nature, the awareness of this energy has been acknowledged by every known human civilization.
Meaning
Considering all of the above, I’ve determined that the meaning of my life must be, to morally grow and expand my knowledge and consciousness as a means to help maintain the evolution of nature and humanity. It seems obvious to me that the source of our creative existence designed us in a way to perpetuate its own evolution. Therefore, we are not only a part of that original source as a whole, but are also a part of its growth. But this still begs the question of what are we helping to maintain the evolution of nature and humanity for? Although considering the enormity of our galaxy alone, the meaning of our existence does not necessarily need to include the meaning behind the entire universe.
Awareness dilemma
Unfortunately, a weight still hangs over me for not knowing my place in the universe. To be able to understand what I should do, but to not be able to see the bigger picture of why I am doing it. This is the human dilemma. What am I creating and expanding my moral conciseness for? What are we, as part of this creative source evolving towards? But I must accept that the bigger picture of it all is far beyond even the black holes and galaxies of this universe we have discovered so far. And that to even grasp a speck of it would surely fold the mind back on itself. However, we are at least becoming more aware of its complexity, and whether we will ever fully comprehend it, is not the point. Just to be aware of ourselves as a part of life’s conscious evolution should be enough to encourage our participation.
Evolution of the spirit
But something seems to happen once you’ve moved beyond all this. When you’ve felt like giving up, but still continued on so many times that you realize the choice has already been made for you. When your consciousness returns to the very predetermined aspect of nature from which it came. You become the rose. And from there it becomes more than just the meaning you seek, or the love you might receive, or the enlightenment you hope for, It becomes the process itself that answers back.
Written by Tim H. McDonald
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